This was a prevalent feeling for me during the pandemic lockdowns as it was for many people. My life was in a holding pattern. I was waiting for clearance to land.
There are times when you can do nothing but allow for whatever needs to happen to happen. If you try to land before you are cleared you may crash into another plane. There may be an explosion. People might die.
So if you feel like you are in a holding pattern, it may be because there is traffic beyond your control that is making it necessary for you to wait. And waiting is the correct action.
Other times however we put ourselves in a holding pattern by inventing or imagining obstacles. The runway may be free but we insist it isn’t. We see another plane or scattered baggage or a flock of birds. Perhaps there was a seagull that has since flown away but we insist on waiting to see if it comes back while we burn fuel circling in the air.
The most beneficial thing you can do if you feel like you are stuck in a holding pattern is to recognize what situation you are in. Is there traffic beyond your control that needs to be cleared? Or are you inventing obstacles?
Are you saying things to yourself like:
“I’ll look into getting fit once I make more money.”
“I’ll decide about my career once I know what’s going on with him or her.”
“I’ll start writing my book in the winter when work slows down.”
“I’ll start writing my book in the summer when there is more sunshine.”
“I’ll take dancing lessons once I lose weight.”
“I don’t know if this is the right time to start a blog.”
Statements like this usually indicate that you are turning irrelevant elements into obstacles. You don’t need to have money to get fit. You don’t need a gym. You can start doing body weight exercises at home. I discovered during the pandemic that the world is full of things you can lift: rocks, fallen branches, people (consenting people).
Relationships are a normal part of life. Emotional ups and downs are a norm. Your relationship with him or her should not impede your work or career life. If you are unable to concentrate on your goals because he or she is sending you mixed signals, then that is a red flag. Another person should not be putting you in a prolonged holding pattern.
However, putting yourself in a holding pattern as you dissolve such a relationship is a legit reason to be in a temporary holding pattern. When you end a relationship you may need to emotionally heal. It may also entail moving and financial planning. But what you don’t want to do is remain in an unresolved relationship that puts you in a never ending holding pattern. Planes run out of fuel after all.
I remember a line from a friend’s story about her eating disorder: I’ll be happy when I’m thin. Many people put off doing things until they lose weight or look a certain way. People put off taking singing lessons, dancing lessons, and even dating. Now being in a holding pattern as you lose weight or fat for a predetermined reason such as surgery, a fight, or a body building competition, may make sense. But there is a point where your holding pattern prevents you from living life.
Some people wait years or even decades to do that thing they promised themselves. There is always some problem, the timing is never right. Do you really need the weather to be a certain way to start your book? Think about all the conditions in which books were written.
Now getting back to what is the most beneficial thing you can do if your life or an aspect of your life is in a holding pattern: Be genuine with yourself as to whether the obstacles on your runway are real or relevant. Sit still. Reflect. Be honest.
If you identify real obstacles then it is time for patience and allowing. During the pandemic I went through a very dark time. I lost work and I was betrayed by people who I thought were my friends. I came to the conclusion that there is nothing I can “do” at that moment. It was time to “Let go and let God." It was time to rest and heal.
Here is a video about what happened when I decided to let go.
Now what if you are imagining obstacles?
Then in a sense you are the obstacle. The only magic formula here is to leap from your current frame of mind into a new frame. It is something you have to decide and do.
I dedicated myself to writing for 30 days straight no matter what. I decided that no matter what my day is like, I will sit and write. At the end of the 30 days I was on a roll. My plane landed.
If you are still up in the air, I wish you a happy landing.