Spite spurs the imagination to create scenarios of punishment towards a given person(s). These imagined scenarios evoke feelings of schadenfreude in the spiteful imaginer. This releases dopamine. It is a quick high. It is instant emotional gratification.
Basically imagining someone feeling bad and hurt in response to your stabby retort can be a form of instant emotional gratification. And like other things that produce instant gratification, it can become an addictive habit. Trolling can become an addictive time thieving habit.
Unfortunately spite drives user engagement on social media. Divisive posts get user engagement. Engagement boosts ranking of given post and more people see it. Influencers know this and many thrive on this. Engagement = views = money. Spite provokes spite. One snarky hyperbolic comment can invoke a vitriolic category five excrement storm. Have you seen one? Perhaps you have participated in one?
There are the usual denigrating comments like calling someone a “Karen” or the attaching of a “tard” to the opponents perceived political orientation (horrible). To me such comments signify that a genuine debate is not possible. But it can get much worse. A simple search of a target’s profile can give a hater plenty of ammo. Typing out the cruelest thing is the game. Punishing with words is the point.
As a philosophy student it was ingrained in me to be fair to your opponent and make sure you understand their position and relay it charitably. Social media has taught me that when vitriol enters the chat, it is best to leave. There is no genuine debate to be had anymore. Seldom will things deescalate.
“I’m just trying to wake people up!” A provocateur may argue. “Some people need a reality check.”
It is delusion to think that insulting someone will enlighten them in any meaningful way. Have you ever seen the target of a stabby comment reconsider their position?
Spite and schadenfreude are low level emotions. When we revel in them we diminish our experience of the world.
To be wise, according to Plato, is to understand why it is favorable to have the lowest part of your soul subject to the highest part of your Soul. Plato divided the soul into three parts: Reason, the Spirit (or the emotional part), and the Appetite (the part that craves physical pleasures). Reason is the highest part, the Appetite the lowest. To have the highest part subject to the lowest constitutes spiritual sickness.
I think there are better models of the mind and I disagree with Plato that Reason must be in charge at all times. But I do believe that there is a higher part of us and a lower part.
There are higher level thoughts and lower level thoughts. There are higher level emotions, and lower level emotions. An example of a higher level emotion is Awe or Gratitude. An example of a low level emotion is Spite. Higher level emotions evoke higher level thinking and facilitate understanding of complex concepts. Low level emotions trigger thoughts of revenge, and punishment.
Living in a state of lower thinking and feeling severs you from experiencing the full spectrum of your mind’s offering. It diminishes the quality of your life. You cannot grow from a place of lowly spite. Spite needs to constantly punish. It needs that hit from the imagined sorrow of others. It is an itch that needs constant scratching. What happens when someone responds to your spite with spite? It inflames you. You feel a jolt of energy as you imagine further words of punishment. Scratching an itch is inflammatory.
When you are full of spite, it is hard to see the beauty in things. The subject of your spite becomes something to quash. You are severed from seeing the divine in them. We are all connected. When your heart is full of spite, you cannot see the beauty in your fellow human, and this blinds you to the beauty in yourself. Spite makes you overfocus on the ugly. The fuller of spite that you are, the more ugliness you see. A spite warped world is devoid of spiritual beauty. To live in it is to be spiritually sick.
When you are severed from your mind’s full offering you are severed from the divine. It is the connection to the divine that gives power. You drain yourself by entertaining spiteful thoughts.
So Do Not Succumb to Spite.
Easier said than done, right? Everyone has something that gets them. Plus it is hard when a hater targets you. Spite evokes spite.
So what to do?
Self observation is the start. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Notice if you are conjuring up derogatory things to say to someone. Are you smirking as you compose your scathing retort? Once you catch yourself: Stop. Meditate. There is nothing to be gained by continuing. There are better things you can do with your time.
My Social Media Engagement Rule.
I developed a rule for myself when it comes to social media engagement:
If there appears any ill will in a post, comment or response, I do not engage. If there is any spiteful sarcasm, name calling, intent to misrepresent and/or misunderstand, I do not engage.
However, if I am not sure I may give benefit. If there is a chance a person is questioning sincerely, then I may chose to cautiously engage if it is on a topic I value. But the moment I am shown ill will, I am out. The only time I may respond to a troll is if he or she is giving bad advice that may result in injury or harm if taken by someone less knowledgeable. Otherwise I treat trolls like bots and ignore them completely.
In conclusion: Don’t let trolls warp your emotional experience of the world. It is better to meditate than denigrate.
Do you have a social media engagement rule that you follow? Let me know in the comments.
Do you know someone that needs to read this? Please share. Thank you.
Karina this is SO GOOD. I don't have much to add. At times I engage the trolls too much, I know that I shouldn't. But I also want to show them there's another path through life. They're mostly uninterested in seeing it, though.
The itch analogy is perfect. It's not like being spiteful to your political opponents on Twitter satisfies you and then you can move on with your day. All it does is pull you deeper into the feedback loop. It's inflammatory.
Also, treating negative comments like bots is a great idea.
Also, I am a bot.