What If You Never Experience Romantic Love Ever Again?
In one of the first TikToks I ever watched, a woman asked, “are you okay with never experiencing romantic love again?”
At that moment the thought of never experiencing romantic love again filled me with deep sorrow. I stewed in it. And then another feeling overtook me. It was dread.
The woman talked about how she made peace with it. She explained that she is surrounded by the love of family and friends and pets and that this is good enough for her. She talked about how she finds meaning in platonic relationships and in her art.
This didn’t help my dread. In fact, it underlined it. It made me feel ill.
However, at the time, I was pining for an ex. I was in a state of lack and longing. I was broken hearted.
When you are broken hearted, you are wounded. A piece is missing.
At that moment in time the idea of never experiencing romantic love again was equal to accepting emptiness and lack. How could that not make one ill?
Years Passed And I Saw The TikTok Again
Recently I watched the lady speak the same words as before. This time I smiled. No sadness. No dread.
What changed?
Romantic Love Is Like An Addiction
Biological Anthropologist Helen Fisher, wrote:
In fact, besotted lovers express all four of the basic traits of addiction: craving, tolerance, withdrawal, and relapse. They feel a “rush” of exhilaration when they’re with their beloved (intoxication). As their tolerance builds, they seek to interact with the beloved more and more (intensification). If the love object breaks off the relationship, the lover experiences signs of drug withdrawal, including protest, crying spells, lethargy, anxiety, insomnia or hypersomnia, loss of appetite or binge eating, irritability, and loneliness. Reference here
Recovering from romantic love can be similar to the process of recovering from drug addiction. Initially the prospect of never feeling the high of your favorite drug ever again can make you feel that you will never be happy again. “Nothing will ever feel as good as this did.”
This is where hope and faith come in. Hope and faith that something greater will fill the void.
Overtime the wound heals. Although it leaves a scar. The void fills with other things. Sometimes it feels as if the void evaporates: You look at the former beloved and no longer feel the same pull.
But just because our brain reacts similar to love withdrawal as it does to drug withdrawal, it doesn’t mean that romantic love isn’t metaphysical. Biological discoveries show us patterns, but don’t necessarily tell the full story. Scientific discovery shows us how drugs affect the brain. This doesn’t mean that the drugs don’t actually open portals in space-time. The activity we discover in the brain may in fact be a symptom of portal openings. Of course I am wildly speculating. Wild speculation is fun and good for the mind.
What if the glue holding the universe together is love? What if a broken heart tears the space-time consciousness continuum and leaves us fractured and unglued?
I Think The Fracture Created By A Broken Heart Also Opens Doors
In a state of lack I was more sensitive and receptive. I picked up on subtle energies. I had detailed dreams. I dreamt of my future self reaching out to me and offering a hand. I felt no choice but to connect to my higher self. Rotting in a state of lack was no place to be. I got on the path to a higher me. The journey is ongoing.
What Happened To The Void?
I stepped out of it.
Today the thought of never experiencing romantic love again evokes no illness. In fact the dichotomy of yes or no of this very thought seems ridiculous. It feels ridiculous to even contemplate that question. Especially because I am not looking for romantic love anymore.
Why am I not looking?
I feel good and in the right place. There is no hurry when you know you are in the right place. You don’t feel like you need to be somewhere else in time or space. There is a calmness that comes with that.
My son is still young and wants to play with me. He wants me to kick the ball around with him. He wants to play chess and he wants to go on roller coasters. I want to give that time to him and I want to enjoy that time with him without being distracted.
It is not a giving up on romantic love; it is a matter of savoring the food that is on my plate right now.
So What To Do If Broken Hearted?
Stand still and take in the present. There is a future you ready to take your hand. Through silence and authentic reflection take the hand of the highest version of you that you recognize and let them lead you. Relax and have faith. There is nothing more that you could do.
The Irony
Often only once we accept not having romantic love and learn to appreciate life without it that we are gifted with it again.
Thank you for reading.
I also wrote this piece about heartbreak:
Is It Depression Or Heartbreak?
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I have been falling in love since elementary school. Deep(even in 4th grade) Thrilling. Satisfying. A glow of hope. Erotic.
Terry, the three Susans, Birna, Janey, Kathy, Linda, etc. All the same initial rocketing into sensual, serene happiness and purpose. And then, I sabotaged them. Jettisoned over and over again, despite ecstasy on one level, a deep sense that there was something more. AND THERE WAS!! I am only now entering into the dimension of this erotic spirituality, and it us FAR OUT, MAN!! TRULY. It has to do with a union of infinite sexual completion at an energetic dimension. A completion neverending! I would tell you more, but there are no words. So, the prospect of never having romance? Well, kind of sad. I loved all my lovers and I probably will fall in love again, but against a backdrop of immense power.