Why Attractive Men Should Chase The Women They Want
Why Attractive Men Should Chase The Women They Want
“I was kinda hoping that we got together,” Joey says.
Back in the 2000s Joey drummed for a grunge band and then for a punk band and then learned guitar and started a death metal band. We hung out at shows. Recently he ran into me on Instagram. He suggested we meet up. I picked an Irish pub by the lake.
“What? You never asked me out.” I say.
“You never seemed that interested.”
Joey was a stud back in the 2000s. Tall. Slim but toned. Chiseled jaw and cheek bones. Tanned skin from long hours of landscaping. Long wavy brown hair. He wore jeans that fit properly.
He always had a girl sitting on his lap. Explanation: When there were no seats available at a table, girls sat on guys’ laps. Sometimes they did that playfully even if there were seats. You could boldly do that. Except when the guy had a girlfriend. After sometime of being on the scene, you came to know who was with whom.
Girls always chose Joey’s lap. If they weren’t sitting on him, they were snuggling up to him in one way or another. This was Joey’s reality. Girls all over him all the time.
“I bought you drinks.” Joey says.
“You bought girls drinks all the time.” I laugh.
“If I asked you out would you have said yes?
“Fuck yeah.”
“I didn’t know.”
Joey basically thought that if a girl is not acting like all the other girls, she either has a boyfriend or for some strange reason doesn’t like him.
I saw all the girls around him. I had no intention of competing. I had plenty of men calling me. But if he gave me a clear unambiguous indication of interest I would have loved to give it a chance.
I think this is a common misconception attractive men have. They assume that if they have a chance with a woman, she will come to them. Often this is the case. In which case all he has to do is wait. But it is not always the case. Sometimes women don’t want to compete for a man.
Since attractive men often don’t need to put in effort, low effort becomes their default setting. Lack of effort can make a woman feel like she is wasting her time. And even worse: make her feel foolish.
That is the one big reason I never sat on Joey’s lap. I didn’t want to look foolish.
You may argue that Joey should have known better and that if he really liked me he would have asked me out. Perhaps that is true.
“Can I buy you dinner now?” Joey asks.
“Sure.” I say.
He passes me the pub menu.
I look at him as he smiles. He still has those perfect features. The wrinkles however are many. Years of landscaping in the sun did their number. His hair is thinner and shorter.
He tells me about Manie the punk chick. She sat on his lap all the time. Eventually she convinced him to move in with her. They lived together for fifteen years. Then she left.
“Why did she leave?”
“Nothing I did ever made her happy.”
This told me everything. He never really wanted Manie. She was just there. She was convenient. She required no effort until she did.
She should not have had to convince him to move in with her. He should not have moved in with someone he wasn’t all into.
I told Joey about my life. I told him about my writing projects and how I love going to the gym. I told him about my son. I told him how I am really busy and don’t have much time to go out like I once did.
Joey doesn’t have any kids that he knows of.
Attractive Men Should Go For Who They Want
If you are an attractive guy, don’t disqualify a woman just because she isn’t throwing herself at you. Figure out what you want and go after what you specifically want. Learn to put in effort into who you specifically want. This does not mean continue pursuing someone after they reject you. I mean put effort into asking out the women you specifically want and put in effort into the date and conversation. Don’t let her carry the entire conversation just because you are accustomed to women doing this.
Whatever you do, please do not just pick anyone because they are convenient. Don’t waste 15 years of a woman’s life like Joey did. Don’t waste 15 years of your own life like Joey did. Don’t be a Joey.
Have you ever met a Joey?
Joey once dated the most beautiful girl on the scene. But she had a character flaw…Read about it here:
Here is another story from 2000s Toronto:
This reads like a smack in my face. What if the girl you want is in a committed relationship, hates you and your ex? Since I´ve been with her every other girl feels like a replacement for her. I miss the passion I used to have. Now being with women kind of feels bland, like I´m missing the point with them.
That is a hard place to be at. It sometimes takes years to get over a person and feel something for someone new that isn't comparison. I caught myself comparing. It never feels the good.